The Best Wingman intro

An exercise in “how to pick the best wingman to serenade a woman in another island”.

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International View Co. (ca. 1905) Where softly sighs of love the light guitar - a Visayan-Filipino serenade. Philippines, ca. 1905. Decatur, Illinois, U.S.A.: International View Co., photographers and publishers. [Photograph] Retrieved from the Library of Congress, https://www.loc.gov/item/93507241/.

Courtship in the early 20th century is mainly influenced by Western standard and the moral guidelines of the friars, where every man has to go through a formal courtship in different rigorous stage to woo the woman they love. From finding a bridge (tulay) to introduce you to the woman you like, to serenading (harana) in front of their house window, to getting the permission of her parents to enter a formal courtship, and to finally serve (paninilbihan) the woman’s family to prove your worth. To get married, you also need to get her parent’s permission (pamamanhikan).

By the early half of the 20th century, women’s role has expanded. Women can attend universities and find work that is similar to men. By 1930s, women can also vote. Thanks to the hard work of affluent women in the society like our first beauty queen, Pura Villanueva, who continuously fought for women’s equality. It became uncomplicated to meet a Filipina before and after World War II. But some families still retain most of the stringent rules, especially in rural areas. It also depends on what region you are in because they have different practices when it comes to courtship.

Female students wearing traditional native dress made of abaca fiber. Photo taken in 1907 by H.C. White Co. from The Library of Congress

Forms of flirting

If you think teenagers going to Simbang-gabi just to mingle, date, and flirt is gross, better ask what your great grandparents do every Sunday mass. Sunday mass is when most of the community is in attendance. Sunday is also the day where everyone can go around the town plaza in their best clothing after a Sunday mass to mingle and socialize with various people. Its the day to meet potential and suitable partners as it can also show your social and economic status. Sunday Mass is the best way to make stolen glances and meaningful look. Did you think that our great-great-grandparents didn’t delve into flirting while attending Sunday mass?

Because of the Hispanic influence, women are most likely accompanied by a chaperone. Using gestures and interpreting body movement is essential to send silent messages to each other. Filipinos are prominent in giving gestures and body movement to communicate. From using their lips to pout or pucker to show directions to winking an eye to tease or warn someone. Some gestures have multiple meanings that you have to decipher it depending on the context of the situation and how the person delivered it. Clapping one’s hand used to signify happiness or cheering, but today, a clap can also be used to mock someone or show disappointment.

Women use their fan to show different signals to potential suitors right under their chaperone’s noses. In the Spanish era, women used an abaniquera (a pleated fan with a filigreed gold chain or a silk loop). They can attach the fan with the loop on their saya (skirt) or on their wrist. If a woman had their fan hanging on their left wrist, that means they are unavailable and already engaged with someone. If a woman hangs their fan with their right hand or uses the fan with their right hand, that means they are available and are open to courtship or a visit at their home. If they use their fan rapidly as if generating a typhoon-like wind, it signals that they are very much interested. A fan that is abruptly closed means distrust. Try next Sunday. If a woman covers half her face with a twinkling eye, you better get your butt off and sit beside her (only applicable if you are in romantic entanglement). A panuelito (small handkerchief) is also employed to show gestures. If a man raises a panuelito on his lips and kisses it. This means “I love you” and glancing at the girl and kisses on the second time that says, “do you love me too?”. If a woman placed the end of her panuelito behind her ear, it means that her chaperone starts noticing their gestures and must be careful. These are just a small sample of the given gestures at the time, and it proved to be more effective than given words.

Harana

La Serenata del comintang in Lithograph. Artist unknown ©1877

Harana (Serenading), was popularized in the early part of the Spanish colonial period. Since the first one-hundred years of Spanish colony was led by the Mexican authority rather than the Spaniards, the sound of the mariachi also has heavy influence with the sound of Harana besides the folk music of Spain. Harana is a traditional form of courtship in which a man sings underneath the woman’s window at night to proclaim his love. The woman can either allow the suitor up their house with the permission of her parents or simply reply with a song. Any song can be sung in Harana. There are Harana songs that ask for actions from the woman he is wooing such as “Buksan ang Bintana” (Open the window), or “Dungawin mo Giliw” (Take a peek my dearest). In the early 19th century, Kundiman is mostly used for Harana. Its origins are based on pre-colonial indigenous styles but with a western arrangement. Its lyrics depict a plea for love and willingness to sacrifice everything for his beloved.

For further reading on the Philippines traditional courtship, you can check Under the Stacks by Saul Hofileña Jr and A Handbook on Philippine Folklore or check recommendations from your nearest librarian. And for Harana, the best resource is the website for Harana documentary.